I am currently sat on the toilet (sorry for the tmi) thinking about what is wrong with my life! A question that haunts me every year as it comes to an end. Maybe that is why people celebrate all the forced festivities around this time. They can go about ignoring the dinosaur and just focus on cookies, chocolates and cakes. I, personally, am never into celebrating life. I am not good at pretending.
For me, this last year was depressing. Mostly because I have depression. I suppose it is no different from the other twenty seven years that I have been alive! I remember being depressed for half of those at the least. So this year I took it upon myself to acknowledge the fact that I have mental health issues and decided to let people around me know that about me. I have weird relationship with my family like everybody has. I don’t know if either of us actually care sometimes. So letting them know a vulnerable truth about me was scary but it ended up being not so scary. Realised when I took the courage to tell something like that, that is the only time I needed courage because they treated it as yet another attribute to my personality and nothing more. Life was pretty much the same. I moved to the living room now, by the way. I don’t want you to think I am constipated.
In terms of what I did the whole year – I did nothing. I pretend to myself that I took ‘one and a half year’ of break year. I can summarise what I did in a few words like “I WATCHED YOUTUBE”. Combined with a dangerous dose of netflix and the likes, all I did was roll around in my bed and binge watch anything and everything. I cooked too. A lot. I want to make a list of things that I watched but maybe next time. I have become too lazy and a master procrastinator.
Now what lead me to writing this post is that I am trying to get back into normal life and I feel like I am falling apart. I want a routine so bad. Thought this might be a good start but a voice inside me is shouting that I won’t blog for another few months after this. Sigh! Maybe I should stop here and continue tomorrow. I want to write down the things I did that were pretty decent this year, talk about people and life in general, what ways I have changed and start my journey towards eternal self-obsession.