You were fine all your life but it started to change when you were constantly being ridiculed and criticized for things that you could hardly control. Puberty got the worse of you too. They blamed you for your skin color and blemishes. They blamed you for your crooked teeth. They rejected you, even before getting to know what you were trying to offer. The disgust … Continue reading Self-hate : where it all began.
I never paid attention as to whether I had triggers that caused my depression. Me being shy with social anxiety, having a low self-esteem and taking too much of unearned guilt is by and itself a road to depression. So I assumed it was just my personality that caused it and I still think it plays a major part. Lately I wanted to observe or recollect … Continue reading Depression triggers and why I tend to navigate towards them.
One thing I failed to realise or notice over the years of depression was, how it has affected my memory. I used to be pretty good academically. It all started going down from the age of 18 or 19. That was the time I had my first severe depression cycle. I used to love studying math but after that point, even the thought of solving … Continue reading Reviving dead brain cells. TMI: Part 3
Family, not so close but we are very close superficially. Friends, I have a few. I wouldn’t consider most of those relationships to be close. I find most people afraid of being judged and hence any relationship in my life, never gets closer after a point. I don’t know whether it is an Indian thing or universal or it is just with me. A couple … Continue reading Fear of judgement.
Routine is where I ended my last blog. I am not sure even while writing this, whether my activities are now a routine because I don’t follow every single one of them everyday. I have been idle and depressed for so long that I forget what my abilities are. I am still learning as to what is my limit and upto where I can push … Continue reading It is all about getting a routine.TMI: Part 2
I have been struggling with social anxiety all my life and also severe depression cycles, now and then. The latest period of depression lasted for a year continuously. I still feel the residue of it sometimes. Social anxiety has been better for the first time in my life, I would say. It has got to do with the fact that I realised I have social … Continue reading Transitioning from mental illness (TMI): Part 1
Since yesterday, I am a twenty eight year old woman. Aigoo..should I be feeling much older than I already do? I don’t feel anything different because I have been feeling 28 for quite sometime now. I don’t have a career yet, so there is this fear of being unemployed or losing out on something major when I am in my youth, has increased multifold. Now … Continue reading I’m 28!